In Love, Loving, Loved

by Nada Andersen
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There comes a moment in time when you clear your head of all sorts of nonsensical influences and start drawing lines, reflecting on the past, coming up with conclusions and understanding some important things about yourself, about life, about how things are and what words to use to describe them.

Love appears to be one emotion that strongly comes as a winner in the game of my life. It is a very important emotion that comes to me in a variety of colours – please note, I deliberately use colours and not shades. Shades were recently removed from my love vocabulary because they were degraded into the world of sexual, therefore world of simple which I’m not seeking to explain today.

What is it that we mean when we say we are in love with someone, we love someone, we are loved by someone? Three very different things.

Being in love is the emotion of excitement, butterflies in your stomach, energy, jumping around like a mad person, wild music, wild parties, wild search for your person all over town, attempts to come close, first everything, more butterflies and so on. Unsustainable feelings that soon, hopefully, change to something better or something worse. Desperately in love, when not returned, can destroy the person completely. Desires that do not materialise are often our simplest downfall. Whole industries are hinging on people in love: cosmetics, fashion, plastic surgery, fitness – all programming people to look better, feel better, be more appealing to the other sex.

But love is something different. When you love someone it is like having a birthmark, or gray hair. It is effortless and you do not think, for one minute, about that person’s opinion of you because it ultimately does not matter. You love that person. Full stop. There are no conditions. Nothing has to happen. Nothing has to change. No worlds are falling apart. You have no expectations either. You love. You don’t care whether they love back or not. Love is about you, giving it, not expecting anything in return. And it can be a dog, a horse, a man, a woman, a pet snake or a lizard. Your love does not need to change them, shape them, convert them – none of that. Your love is just there for them.

Being loved is the best feeling ever. You know that’s what it is, you do not have to prove anything to the person who loves you, you are yourself, they love you for you, nothing has to change, no modifications required.

True love has no requests. It allows you to be. It permits all the flaws, all the traits. It welcomes your imperfections. It gives you wings. It makes you a better person. It pushes you to be helpful, compassionate, empathetic, it removes competitiveness, aggression, drama.

So when I say “I love you” I mean it in the sense that I do not require any reaction or action. It is a fact that I’m glad to share and I can say this to God, to any one of you reading, to my horse, to my dog. The emotion is there, unchanged by anybody’s actions, it is unconditional and I don’t care what you’re going to do about it. It is I who loves you and what you do with it is entirely your issue. Not mine.

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